just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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