You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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