You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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