I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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