his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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