You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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