Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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