I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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