Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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