I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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