i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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