Quick, to the slutcave!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize