I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize