the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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