I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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