Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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