just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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