Walk of Shame. In a state park.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize