Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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