who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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