I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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