The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
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He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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