I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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