I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize