I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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