He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize