You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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