When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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