theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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