i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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