ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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