On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize