I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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