As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize