my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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