My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize