you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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