really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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