What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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