I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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