Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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