My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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