I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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