Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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