I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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