I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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