Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize