Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize