I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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