I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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