I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
True strength comes from lack of pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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