If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize