I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize