dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize